Idk why anyone follows me on here and sometimes I forget that people do. I only write on here when I’m in a very pathetic state of mind and I’m too embarrassed to put it on my main blog.
I shouldn’t go to your Facebook. I shouldn’t read reviews of how your band did at your show last week. I always knew you were my dream boy. Can I just say that I was your first fan girl? When you were awkward and shy and didn’t even sing? I commented on your video and I loved you from the beginning. Now you’re the frontman of band, a band that is definitely making it’s way. And to this day I’m regretting everything I said. Ugh. I feel so sick to the bone right now. I know we said our “sorrys” and all but that’s not what I want. Sorry isn’t enough. Sorry is just a word. I wonder when I’ll get over this.
If I reply with “oh” I either don’t give a fuck or I feel like i’ve been punched in the throat
The amount of bs Helen and I put up with is incredible. Omg
3 Red Bulls, 6 shots, 5 hits.
If you want me to leave you alone then just say it.
It’s not fair. It’s not fair to pop into my life for two days every 6 months, be all nice, tell me you’ll be different this time, and then completely ignore for a week. You only come to me when it’s convenient for you and I’m tired of falling for it.
If someone was to sincerely ask me to open up, maybe I would. But I guess I just don’t want to give my feelings out to the world. I don’t want someone to “have me figured out”. The thought of someone “seeing right through me” just terrifies me and makes me sick. I never want to be predictable. Today Hannah told me one of our guy friends said “Kalie is like a book but you can’t read it. You can just sit there and ponder it and look at the cover.” That’s how I want the majority of people to see me. I don’t want to give away feelings, deep thoughts, or emotions away to just acquaintances. Those types of things are like gems to me, things I value, and I’m not just going to tell the whole world. Someday I think I’ll meet someone who will start reading my book, they won’t be afraid to look past the cover. And honestly, I hope he’s like that too. I hope he’s a mystery to figure out and surprises me all the time. I don’t know what this post means or what I’m really trying to say, but today I learned a little about myself and that’s a good feeling.